Day 289
Some days it's all I can do to just put one foot in front of the other. And I'm recognizing that there's nothing wrong with even the littlest progress as long as my feet are still moving me forward.
Janet
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Amygdala
Day 288
It isn't a new idea that we become what we think about. I have always been so fascinated with the human brain and its capacity to literally make or break a person. If I can remember back to freshman psychology I believe it is the brain stem I have to thank for keeping my heart, lungs, and other automatic bodily functions running smoothly. The cerebellum is responsible for skilled coordination (I must have damaged that somewhere along the way), and the cerebrum, with its left and right hemispheres, explains the need for books like, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." It's all the different "lobes" that help us see, and hear, and interpret touch, and remember Granny's birthday. The hippocampus is usually the first to go in one who experiences the devastation of Alzheimer's. The hypothalamus makes sure we're not too cold, too fat, or too hungry. (My mnemonic device for this in college was 'hippo'thalamus. Get it? Without its appetite controlling functions, we'd be fat...like hippos? I know it's dumb.) But the part of our brain that personally gives me the most trouble has, ironically, always been hard for me to remember. Even tonight...I had to look up its name. A.M.Y.G.D.A.L.A. Would you believe the part of our brain that is responsible for our basic survival, fear and sex, is buried deep within the limbic emotional brain and is the size and shape of an almond? AN ALMOND!?!
It feels like a slap in the face that something so small has had the ability to torment me so greatly throughout my 28 years. I guess me, and my overactive Amydala, would have been just dandy back in the Neolithic age when danger was literally imminent all day and all night. But what do I do with all that fear now, when my danger level is relatively low? In the book, "What Happy Women Know," by Dan Baker, Ph.D., and Cathy Greenberg, Ph.D., Baker gives a simple analogy that cleverly restates something we've always known- you have to focus on the positive to move in a positive direction. He says, "It involves the same concept as glade skiing- skiing through a strand of closely spaced trees. The trick, as any experienced instructor will tell you, is to avoid looking at the trees, because you literally move toward what you focus on. If you look at a tree, you'll start heading for it. Likewise, if you start looking for the worst, you'll find it, pure and simple. Instead, why not focus on the glade- the space between the trees- and head for that. Yes, you're more naturally tuned in to threatening forces, but that doesn't mean you need to spend all your time focused on them. In fact, the more you can relegate those hardwired responses to background noise, the happier you will be. Just because we're stuck with certain unpleasant emotions- gifts from our ancestors neatly tied up with ribbons of fear- doesn't mean that we can't find a way of avoiding them on our journey toward a life full of contentment and joy." (Baker, pg. 18).
It isn't a new idea that we become what we think about. I have always been so fascinated with the human brain and its capacity to literally make or break a person. If I can remember back to freshman psychology I believe it is the brain stem I have to thank for keeping my heart, lungs, and other automatic bodily functions running smoothly. The cerebellum is responsible for skilled coordination (I must have damaged that somewhere along the way), and the cerebrum, with its left and right hemispheres, explains the need for books like, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." It's all the different "lobes" that help us see, and hear, and interpret touch, and remember Granny's birthday. The hippocampus is usually the first to go in one who experiences the devastation of Alzheimer's. The hypothalamus makes sure we're not too cold, too fat, or too hungry. (My mnemonic device for this in college was 'hippo'thalamus. Get it? Without its appetite controlling functions, we'd be fat...like hippos? I know it's dumb.) But the part of our brain that personally gives me the most trouble has, ironically, always been hard for me to remember. Even tonight...I had to look up its name. A.M.Y.G.D.A.L.A. Would you believe the part of our brain that is responsible for our basic survival, fear and sex, is buried deep within the limbic emotional brain and is the size and shape of an almond? AN ALMOND!?!
It feels like a slap in the face that something so small has had the ability to torment me so greatly throughout my 28 years. I guess me, and my overactive Amydala, would have been just dandy back in the Neolithic age when danger was literally imminent all day and all night. But what do I do with all that fear now, when my danger level is relatively low? In the book, "What Happy Women Know," by Dan Baker, Ph.D., and Cathy Greenberg, Ph.D., Baker gives a simple analogy that cleverly restates something we've always known- you have to focus on the positive to move in a positive direction. He says, "It involves the same concept as glade skiing- skiing through a strand of closely spaced trees. The trick, as any experienced instructor will tell you, is to avoid looking at the trees, because you literally move toward what you focus on. If you look at a tree, you'll start heading for it. Likewise, if you start looking for the worst, you'll find it, pure and simple. Instead, why not focus on the glade- the space between the trees- and head for that. Yes, you're more naturally tuned in to threatening forces, but that doesn't mean you need to spend all your time focused on them. In fact, the more you can relegate those hardwired responses to background noise, the happier you will be. Just because we're stuck with certain unpleasant emotions- gifts from our ancestors neatly tied up with ribbons of fear- doesn't mean that we can't find a way of avoiding them on our journey toward a life full of contentment and joy." (Baker, pg. 18).
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
World Wide Web
Today it occurred to me that if I've thought it, someone else has done it. And that's kind of comforting (or scary- depending on what I'm thinking about.) I am so tired of feeling alone during my trials. And it's not necessary if you consider that somewhere else in the world, at the exact same time, someone else is feeling how I feel, and going through what I'm going through. I am so thankful to live during a time that allows such easy access to the rest of the world, and their problems.
Janet
Janet
Monday, May 9, 2011
Moms
When I was thanking my Mom last night for being such an amazing woman she actually had the nerve to say, "So you forgive me for all my faults in raising you?" First of all- I have no idea what she's talking about. I recognize that my mother isn't perfect, but she nearly is. Second of all- the woman birthed 6 kids and endured 2 2nd trimester miscarriages. Then she went on to stretch my dad's military income to meet the needs of a family of 8. Not only that, but she was always physically and emotionally available. She took me to school, picked me up from school, drove me to doctor's appointments, voice and piano lessons, swimming lessons, helped me with my science fair projects, taught me how to shop with coupons, and even picked her life up to move to Denver with me during one of my lengthy hospitalizations. She was always awake and willing to talk when I got home from dates and offered gentle advice about everything from the modesty of my skirt, to where I should go to college to who I should or should not marry. She went to prenatal appointments with me, and was in the room, wiping the sweat from my brow as I gave birth to my two babies. She never hesitates to set aside her busy life to spend time with her kids, and her grandkids. She truly is a woman to admire, and I get the honor of loving her too! But this got me thinking about how badly we women brutalize ourselves. My Mom's memory of how she raised us is built upon her self-perceived faults- instead of celebrating all the remarkable things she did. I wish we could be nicer to ourselves. But I think the most important lesson I have learned from her so far is the importance of patience. Patience during frustrating circumstances. Patience with other people. Patience with ourselves.
My other Mama has taught me the power of service. Laurie is always ready and willing to help anyone that needs it. She is such a wonderful Mother in law, and Grandma, and I will always be indebted to her for selflessly giving me the man of my dreams.
The most important lesson my kids have taught me so far is to relax and be thankful for every single day I get to spend with them.
I love being a Mama!
Janet
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Embracing Fear
You may have noticed a theme lately with my posts. Fear has always been a dominant enemy in my life, but usually its effects are worse after enduring some sort of trauma. Needless to say, this year has been difficult, but instead of experiencing depression I have been bombarded by anxiety. I'm anxious about EVERYTHING! I wish I could say these were rational fears stemming from legitimate threats, but that's rarely the case. And the panic attacks rise up completely unexpected like lightening from a baby blue sky. I have been desperately trying to wrap my head around all this fear- mostly because I am no longer in a position where I can allow fear to rule my life. I am a mother now. I think one of a mother's most important qualities is the strength of her backbone. Anyway, I was at a thrift store with my Mom and I spotted a book called, "Embracing Fear." It was 10 cents. I took it home with me.
"With fear in charge, you can never fully relax, let your guard down, be your true self. You can't open up because you are afraid of how people will respond if they were to meet the real you. When fear is in charge, you simply cannot take that chance. Fear will not allow honesty, fear despises spontaneity, and fear refuses to believe in you. Fear may mean well, but it ruins everything by overprotecting you, insisting that you stay hidden and keep a low profile, promising that your time is coming...sometime later. Fear is bold, but insists that you be timid. Take a chance and there will be hell to pay: fear will call on its dear friend, shame, to meet you on the other side of your risk taking, to tell you what you should not have done. Fear will trip you, tackle you, smother you, do whatever it takes to cause you to hesitate, to stop you. In this way fear is fearless.
Your assignment is to live a life that is not ruled by fear. To do this, you must be able to identify, at any given time, exactly what fear is telling you- or rather threatening you with- and to disobey its instructions. Every morning when you awake, make a conscious decision to remain in charge of your own life. Fear cannot occupy the space in which you stand. Fear cannot force you out of that position of authority, but it can, if you let it, scare you away. Let your personal motto be 'No Fear.' Say those two powerful words as you put your feet on the floor, as you look into the mirror, as you walk out the door. Ask yourself each morning, and all through the day, what will NO FEAR mean for me today?
Ask yourself the question...and don't forget to listen for the answer."
"Embracing Fear" (Pgs 30-31), by Thom Rutledge
I hope my kids understand the importance of recognizing fear for what it is and pressing forward anyway. And I know that they won't gain this knowledge unless I can get my stuff together. I find great comfort in my favorite scripture-
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
- John 14:27
*Sigh* Heaven help me!
Janet
"With fear in charge, you can never fully relax, let your guard down, be your true self. You can't open up because you are afraid of how people will respond if they were to meet the real you. When fear is in charge, you simply cannot take that chance. Fear will not allow honesty, fear despises spontaneity, and fear refuses to believe in you. Fear may mean well, but it ruins everything by overprotecting you, insisting that you stay hidden and keep a low profile, promising that your time is coming...sometime later. Fear is bold, but insists that you be timid. Take a chance and there will be hell to pay: fear will call on its dear friend, shame, to meet you on the other side of your risk taking, to tell you what you should not have done. Fear will trip you, tackle you, smother you, do whatever it takes to cause you to hesitate, to stop you. In this way fear is fearless.
Your assignment is to live a life that is not ruled by fear. To do this, you must be able to identify, at any given time, exactly what fear is telling you- or rather threatening you with- and to disobey its instructions. Every morning when you awake, make a conscious decision to remain in charge of your own life. Fear cannot occupy the space in which you stand. Fear cannot force you out of that position of authority, but it can, if you let it, scare you away. Let your personal motto be 'No Fear.' Say those two powerful words as you put your feet on the floor, as you look into the mirror, as you walk out the door. Ask yourself each morning, and all through the day, what will NO FEAR mean for me today?
Ask yourself the question...and don't forget to listen for the answer."
"Embracing Fear" (Pgs 30-31), by Thom Rutledge
I hope my kids understand the importance of recognizing fear for what it is and pressing forward anyway. And I know that they won't gain this knowledge unless I can get my stuff together. I find great comfort in my favorite scripture-
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
- John 14:27
*Sigh* Heaven help me!
Janet
Monday, May 2, 2011
"Courage"
By Orianthi
"Courage"
Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood
Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies, but the song he sings
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep moving anyway.
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway.
It's not how many times you've been knocked down
It's how many times you get back up.
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway.
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway.
You keep on moving anyway.
You say you're in pain, but you keep moving anyway.
You keep on giving anyway.
You keep on loving anyway.
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