Surgery

Day 223

It has been exactly a week since my last post on what was supposed to be a daily chronicled blog. But I read somewhere a while ago that the more willing you are to accept failure, the happier and more contented a person you'll be. So this is what I've learned in the past 7 days:

1. On Sunday I learned that there is nothing more soothing for nerves than remembering a time that was as or more stressful than what you're going through currently. It's extremely therapeutic, going through that memory in detail- what the problem was, the emotions attached, and how you got through it. It's such a triumphant feeling knowing that you survived another challenge.
2. On Monday I had a moment where I was no longer afraid. It was a short moment, but I actually experienced that ever elusive faith that Christ was always teaching us. Until then I was terrified of my upcoming surgery- terrified is an understatement. But something hit me, call it a spiritual spanking, when I realized I was about to enter into something I had absolutely zero control over. And that faith was the only appropriate verb on the matter. "Fear is the opposite of Faith." I just needed to trade up my "F" words! I've always stood as a religious woman, but I'm ashamed to say I've only practiced faith like this...unwavering, unfaltering faith, a few times in my life. So that's what I learned...to be a more faithful person. To be faithful means giving up some control, and that is very big deal to me.
3. Tuesday morning, the day of my surgery, I woke up with god given bravery. My anaesthesiologist and scrub nurse happened to be LDS and we all said a prayer before my procedure. I actually entered the OR smiling, and left singing. (Apparently anesthesia makes me sing...seriously.) I learned on Tuesday how much love I really do have surrounding me. I don't have to do everything on my own. The world doesn't end when I'm incapacitated. And I have some beautiful family and friends.
4. Wednesday I crossed number 90 off of my list of 101 things to do before I die. http://forgetthefinishline.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html I watched my sister Shannon give birth to my newest nephew- Ian Douglas. I learned that I'm a little green at the gills around all that pain and bodily fluid, but that there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be than in that hallowed room where his precious, new life was born.
5. On Thursday the pain of the surgery really set in and I learned that I'm a real mess when I can't just get up and do things for myself. I hate relying on other people when I'm in pain. I learned not to take my health for granted. In a very real way. I have so much more compassion for people who are hurting, in any way.
6. On Friday I learned how much better it feels when you stop feeling sorry for yourself and serve someone else who is hurting too.
7. Tonight I was reminded of how much I love Halloween. I am truly blissful as I'm busy living vicariously through my babies this season. Happy Halloween!

Janet