Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Day 126
I am one of the most anxious people in this world. I absolutely HATE thrill-seeking activities because I already have so much adrenaline pumping through my veins on a regular basis. It's like jumping out of an airplane every single day. I am the poster child for panic attacks and I've been dealing with them for so long that I've mastered keeping my internal meltdowns under wraps. If I've spent any amount of time with you, I can pretty much guarantee I've had one in front of you. I've been through therapy, bio feedback, medication, and most recently, yoga. Thankfully I haven't allowed fear to intervene with the big things in my life. I went backpacking in Europe, earned my degree, got married, and gave birth to my babies. But I am sad to say that I have let my anxiety limit some of the happiness in my life. Writing this blog has done more than I anticipated when I started. Originally I was hoping to just document this ever-changing time in my life so that my kids would have a part of me to look back on and learn from. But this daily search for knowledge, for wisdom...for something to write about at the end of the day has become more of a limit pushing, wall busting, "know thy self" exercise in doing-it-in-spite-of-it-all. In the last 126 days I have grown to feel more like myself than I have in years. Each day I make a conscious decision to uncover the girl that was so excited about life.

I woke up this morning absolutely terrified because I had two things planned that would be difficult to get through. But I did them-and tonight, as I lay my head down, I am full of joy. Here is what I learned today-
  • Work is the best medicine for worry. If you're scared, get up and do something that requires your mental and physical attention.

  • Help someone that is more frightened than you are. Peace is a sweet side-effect of service.

  • There are plenty of things that suck in this world. So many REAL things that can go wrong. People lose loved ones without warning. Others have to endure chronic pain or deal with circumstances that seem unbearable. So what business do I have getting stressed out all the time? Especially about things that are supposed to be positive. I decided today that if something is meant to be fun-I'm going to enjoy it...fully. There's enough time in this life to be sick, or worried. When something is wonderful, happiness and gratitude are the only emotions I'll allow myself to feel. And I am going to do my best to help everyone around me experience happiness too.
Think about a baby when he's happy. He isn't questioning his emotions or altering them based on circumstance. He's in the moment. He's the model of joy.


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