Sunday, August 29, 2010


Day 194

I learned last Wednesday that I was most likely miscarrying this baby. I continued to suffer all week because there was a glimmer of hope with my HCG levels rising, only to find tonight at the ER that they have dropped to the nearly non-pregnant level. The man doing the ultrasound didn't even have to speak- his face went white. I have never hurt this badly emotionally in my life- and I've been through some pretty rough times. How do people even get over something like this? How do they go on to live normal lives, and go see movies and eat ice-cream and go shopping, and laugh? Other than something happening to my living children, I can't imagine a pain worse than this. I don't know how to manage such agonizing, hurtful, desperate emotions. I feel like I am in hell.



  1. Janet, I'm so sorry. I don't know what words of comfort I can offer you. I felt the same way when my Mom passed away - I wondered how it could be such a normal day and world for everyone else when my life had just crumbled. But, I can tell you it does get easier. Take some time to mourn, to grieve, and to cry - you'll need it. Eventually the sorrow will give way to hope and peace and the promise of being together forever someday. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to ease your sorrow - be it dinner, caring for your children so you can have some personal time, or even just a listening ear.

  2. I'm so sorry!
    The pain never goes away completely, just isn't as severe over time. Wish I was there to help or to be any sort of comfort.
    The only thing that has helped me with this type of pain is to distract myself with other things (be it kids, or hobbies, or family) to help that time pass, until it doesn't hurt quite so terribly, anymore.
    Sending virtual hugs to you!

  3. Janet, I had an ectopic pregnancy before we had Aidan, and it was the hardest thing in my life to have to knowingly terminate that pregnancy. I kept hoping for a miracle, that would allow that baby to live...but it was not to be. I cried for days, and actually begged forgiveness from the baby before they terminated. I still feel the sadness from time to time. Know that I share your pain with you and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me. With time, the sorrow will lessen, and perhaps God will bless you with another child after your body has healed for a while. Whatever happens, stay close to God as He can comfort you better than anyone else...He loves you like no other. You are in my prayers and thoughts.