Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Day 195
I learned how vital sleep is when trying to cope with anything. As of this weekend I hadn't slept more than a few hours over a 72 hour period and was quickly losing it. Even being in my house was painful because I was faced with constant reminders of my loss. I got an email around 3 pm yesterday from Trenton saying that he had arranged for his Mom to watch the kids overnight and he booked a hotel room for me in a lovely, lush part of downtown Denver. He treated me to dinner at my favorite restaurant and watched over me as I slept deeply, truly restfully, for the first time since I learned that I was miscarrying over a week ago. By the time I woke up this morning he had already left for work and the sun was just starting to rise. I sat on the balcony and watched it light up the city and then slept a couple more hours. Obviously I'm still sad, and my hormones are surging, but it's amazing what a little sleep can do for the psyche. I actually feel like this isn't the end of the world now. I am so thankful to have Trenton and my family who have been more than supportive to me. But nobody has been there for me more than my own two babies. It's like they instinctively know that all I need right now is to be wrapped up in them. When I got home all three of us buried ourselves under the blankets in my bed and napped for several hours. I had one baby in each arm and everything about that makes me healthy again.
This whole experience has made me want to go up to every pregnant woman I see and just plead with her to not take any of her healthy pregnancy for granted. Every bout of nausea means that the hcg levels are increasing, and each ache is an indication that the baby is growing in her healthy, expanding uterus. But then, that isn't my job I guess. Only Heavenly Father can be so effective at reminding us to count our blessings. I know he's done a number on me lately. It's unbelievable to me that I'm even saying this genuinely, but I am- I'm thankful this happened because I now understand how real it is to lose something so important, and it makes everything I have been blessed with so much more precious.


1 comment:

  1. And what beautiful babies they are, too!
    You are an amazing woman, Janet, and this will only make you more so. You are an inspiration to me, I love reading your words and hoping and praying that I can just take a little of your positive attitude toward life and it's many lessons and applying it to mine. :)