Tuesday, April 5, 2011

New Mother

Day 279

During the short few months of this pregnancy I was afflicted with a nasty case of morning sickness. Odors and scents proved to be the worst offenders. It was so awful that even the smell of my own skin (which doesn't have a smell to the non-pregnant nose) brought on uncontrollable waves of nausea. My skin cracked and dried from the inability to use lotions, my lips bled, and my hair suffered as I used the only soap I could tolerate to wash it with...laundry detergent. My sensitive pallet wouldn't allow drinking water, or artificial sweeteners, or anything citrus. I couldn't open the door of my fridge, or cabinets, or use my guest bathroom, and I most definitely couldn't step foot in a grocery store. Each time I stood up my heart raced, my vision went black, and I had to carry a bucket everywhere I went for fear of vomiting. And each week, almost like clockwork, I developed a migraine headache, knocking me on my back for two days straight.

Terrible as all these symptoms sound, they served as positive signs that I had a pregnancy that was progressing. As each symptom lessens, and I can suddenly tolerate the smell of my strawberry shampoo, and use my cupcake scented lotion, and actually feel a craving for something that once repulsed me, I am reminded that the HCG and progesterone, and estrogen, and all the other life producing hormones are nosediving and I am, in fact, no longer pregnant.

The funny thing about reminders though... for each negative reminder out there in the universe, there are just as many, if not more, positive signs. Like right now- as I'm sitting at my desk, I have a direct view of scattered stuffed animals, half-consumed sippy cups, and a sliding glass door that is full of miniature, sticky, hand prints. Those are all reminders that I have given birth to two gorgeous children, and they are safely here with me. I feel like a new mother. Experiencing all these feelings of loss has made a new, hopefully more devoted, mother. And I guess that's something to thank my Heavenly Father for.

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